Moving

It's been 5 years. 283 pages of my teenage life. So sorry, but, good bye Galatea!

Click.

Definisi dari Bersyukur

Tidak pernah sebersyukur ini selama hampir 20 tahun hidup di bumi.

Terima kasih Tuhan Yesus, Engkau sangat baik.

Broke up sama mantan yang hampir 3 tahun dipacarin lalu tiba-tiba dia sudah punya yang lain dalam waktu 3 minggu saja, bagaimana rasanya?
Sekilas, mungkin aja hidup saya bisa beralur seperti alur cerita teenlit kacangan, desperate, nangis semalam suntuk, merasa ga berharga, so on.

Tapi, tidak.

Walaupun kamu cengeng, aku tahu di dalam sana kamu cewek yang tough, yang bisa menyelesaikan masalah kamu sendiri.

Selamat, kata-kata terakhir anda terbukti kebenarannya:-)

7 September. Saya kira saya ga bakal sanggup melewati hari-hari ke depan. Saya kira saya gak bakalan berhenti nangis untuk waktu yang tidak ditentukan. Saya kira saya bakal susah move on.

Ternyata, tidak.

Semua yang saya pikirkan sebulan lalu itu salah. Gak terlalu paham juga kenapa saya bisa setegar ini. Saya merasa tidak pernah mengeluarkan effort yang cukup besar untuk sampai di tahap ini. Sampai di tahap yang bukan hanya sekedar move on, tapi juga mengampuni. Tahap dimana saya ikhlas dan tidak ambil pusing lagi tentang segala macam kemungkinan penghianatan yang sudah dia lakukan terhadap saya di masa lalu.

Ini semua cuma kasih karunia Tuhan. Akhirnya saya benar-benar merasakan quote Let Go&Let God terjadi dalam kehidupan saya.

Saya gak tau kenapa saya bisa mikir sepositif ini. Ini cuma karena Tuhan.

Bersyukur juga buat setiap pengalaman baru di kampus. Buat Arga Pancaka, keluarga baru saya. Saya ga menyesal sama sekali udah diklat capek-capek dan harus mengorbankan sana-sini demi pengalaman bersama mereka. Buat kenal orang-orang luar biasa. Punya pasukan luar biasa, Hermas Sahil Lucky Jihan Ines Egrin Lia Resti Bayu Kuloh Syafik Fenyka Nana Aldi David Yudis, yang tetep deket sampe sekarang. Teramat sayang sama mereka.

Bersyukur juga buat osjur yang meskipun capek juga, tapi jadi bener-bener kenal sama keluarga TI MRI. Seneng banget bisa deket sama orang-orang baru, punya temen makan baru, punya temen ke Tokema baru, seneng banget punya keluarga baru lagi.

Bersyukur buat setiap pengalaman yang ada. Kalau kemarin saya diinfus karena emang fisik melemah, saya kira ga bakal ada yang perhatian sama saya, tapi ternyata mentionan, bbm, path, bahkan telfon dari orang-orang tak terduga ngebuat saya bener-bener merasa dihargai sama semua orang.

Thank God!
Pembelajaran hidup banyak banget 6 bulan ini. Kalaupun Tuhan memang harus mengambil sesuatu dari hidupmu, Dia pasti sudah memilih waktu yang tepat untuk itu dan menggantikannya dengan kesukacitaan yang berlipat-kali-ganda.

Semoga yang membaca terberkati:-)

Intersection part 2

Have you ever been at a intersection? When you found your self with some choices. When making a decision is a must. When you forget the way to let your tears roll down. Waktu semuanya berjalan baik-baik aja, atau bahkan sangat-sangat menyenangkan dan kemudian lo dikejutkan sama kenyataan yang memaksa diri lo buat nyimpen semua kesenangan itu and face the truth. Ya persimpangan ini yang sudah saya lalui.


I wrote this about 2 years ago. This happened again and for sure I've passed it.

Thank God for the answer you gave to me. I love you. I know You will always be by my side in every step I take, in every feeling I felt. Thank You for showing me every little thing I have to know and help me controlled my days lately.

Untuk kamu yang mungkin bakal ngebaca tulisan ini suatu saat nanti.
Terima kasih untuk semuanya. Untuk semua proses 3 tahun ini. Semuanya berharga buat aku tanpa terkecuali. Semua yang kamu lakuin, semuanya berarti. Terima kasih sudah mengizinkan aku bertingkah kekanak-kanakan ke kamu. Terima kasih untuk setiap manis dan pahit yang udah bersedia kamu lewatin bareng aku. Untuk sakit yang kamu tinggalin supaya aku bisa beranjak.

Mungkin dari kemarin hati ini belum ikhlas, sekarang pun belum. Mungkin dari kemarin masih ga terima, sekarang pun masih. Mungkin pikiran ini terus mencari-cari kesalahan besar apa yg udah terjadi sampai-sampai hati ini harus nanggung sakit sedemikian besarnya. Tapi aku yakin kamu punya alasan, Tuhan punya alasan, tidak ada yg salah, semua baik adanya. Kalau memang harus sakit supaya pembelajaran ini membekas, hati ini rela.

Kalau hati dan pikiran ini terus bertanya kenapa, mungkin ga bakal ada habisnya. Aku tau kita sama-sama ga punya jawaban untuk setiap 'kenapa' di pikiran kita. Ga ada yang salah. Ga ada yang jahat. Sejahat apapun 3 minggu belakangan, hati ini tau setiap hal punya alasan. Kalau memang harus ada yg disalahkan, biar keadaan yg menjadi salah.




Kalau memang aku gabisa menjadi buku buat kamu, aku sudah cukup senang untuk sekedar menjadi chapternya.


Now, go on.
Thank you, Joshua. You've been an extraordinary guy in my life.

Found that this lyrics pretty much match with my feeling

Everybody needs a little time away
I heard her say
From each other
Even lovers need a holiday
Far away from each other

Couldn't stand to be kept away
Just for the day
From your body
Wouldn't want to be swept away
Far away from the one that I love

Hold me now
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to stay

After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you
I promise to
And after all that's been said and done
You're just a part of me I can't let go

Westlife-Hard To Say I'm Sorry

Imprinted?

16/6/2012.

Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up
Now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
But there is something left in my head

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feelings so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the woman your heart is missing
That's why you go away, I know.

MLTR-That's Why You Go Away

...

I miss you, the old you. I'm sorry for what I've done. Give me a chance to fix this. Let me show you that everything is going to be all right like we've done before. I beg you. I beg.

Raga ini tak mampu melepas, walau akhirnya tersadar hati ini ternyata tidak pernah 100% klik. Peka kan hati ini Tuhan.

Ke tiga kalinya

Hello, let me know if you hear me
Hello, if you want to be near
Let me know
And I'll never let you go
Hey love
When you ask what I feel, I say love
When you ask how I know
I say trust
It's every little thing you do
That makes me fall in love with you
There isn't a way that I can show you
Ever since I've come to know you
It's every little thing you say
That makes me wanna feel this way
There's not a thing that I can point to
'Cause it's every little thing you do

Until I write this post, I don't understand yet why God bring us together, why God put you in my life.
A lot of guy who's better than you out there.
More wise than you, more mature than you, but why you?
Why you are the guy that got my attention this past years?
Why you are the guy that got my heart?

I love you so much. Hard to tell you how big this feeling is.


Ga ngerti lagi kenapa bisa sesayang ini. Ga ngerti kenapa jarak ga pernah jadi masalah buat perasaan ini.  Kerja baik-baik ya di Jakarta, aku juga belajar baik-baik disini. Sayang sekali sama kamu.
Semoga ga berhenti di tengah jalan, semoga akhir kita indah. Bakalan seneng kalo ternyata kamu beneran masa depan aku, kayak yg aku bayangin selama ini.

Hey you, hello again!

So, after this looooooong time, hello again blog world!

I've been busy with my college stuff this past months so I don't have any time to update my post.

Why I randomly open this blank page again? Cause I simply trapped on my holy-lonely-day. ITB always finished the curriculums earlier than another campus so I don't have friends to hang out with.

Well, my life changed.

I think I succeeded doing my adaptions in college life. Happy enough knowing that I'm surrounded by people who love me and has almost the same vision with me. I survived in my faculty this past two semesters and I didn't think that God put me in the wrong faculty like I did before. I'm blessed to be in my faculty, to be in my campus, to be among of my new friends. I will tell ya later about my new friends btw.

He officially got his law degree in Padjajaran University last February with a satisfying IPK. I'm a proud girlfriend:-)

Aaaaaand now he got a job in Jakarta which means we're in a long distance relationship again, but with an opposite situation, me in Bandung and he in Jakarta. Miss him a lot at the first time separated, but now I can handle it like I've done before. 

I'm recently engrossed with my thoughts, I always be in different worlds with him. A world that I never got in before. When I'm still on highschool, he is enjoying his college life, and now when I finally entered my college life, he moved to the new one. This. This makes me, sometimes, feels like this is too hard to get trough. Man! I don't even know what people doing in his world. But, one thing I know, if God wants this relationship last, we will find lots of ways to make it last forever. Thankyou for your understanding all this time. Thankyou for the time you gave for me among your works. Sorry if I being spoiled and selfish lately. I just want to spend a lot of time with you, but yeah I know this is an immature thought. I will always trying and trying to understand what you doing now. I'm trying understand your world. Trust me, I won't give up on you, just let me take my chance to keep trying until I can:-)

New year post

Hello blank page! Happy 2013!
Pardon me if I take too long to write above you wholeheartedly like i used to be looooooong time ago.

So, if you read my last post, its kinda hard to touch the finish line on my first semester in college life. On the last 2 weeks on December, lecturers burden me (and my friends absolutely) with those fuckin final tasks, quizzes and exams. I felt like that is the hardest weeks of my life ever. I suddenly got tired of every single college stuff. Those tasks and exams didn't let my brain to even take a little break. Too much pain on my head and tada! Tears rolled down on my face. How weak I am.

But hell yeah I succeed.

Now, I'm on my holiday and can't stop thanking God because under His blessing, my achievement index exceed my goal.


So, I spent my 1 month holiday went to Puncak for 3 days and the rest is watching TV serials in front of this screen.
Some days ago, when I watched Glee S4, suddenly I realized what is my biggest dream. I found the reason why on my 18th year of my life, when I finally got into my college-comes-true, I have no idea what will I do after I graduated in the next 4 years. Why I have no idea when people ask my chimera about my job.

To be honest, I still doubt about this.
Do I have to live this dream or......leave it?

Air mata di penghujung semester

I miss my home, my family.
Tadinya semuanya baik-baik aja, tapi entah kenapa semester ini yang tinggal 2 minggu lagi susah banget buat diselesaikan.
Dulu waktu snmptn walaupun susah tapi karena masih di rumah, semuanya baik-baik aja. Everything is clearly fine.

Skrg?
Berjuang sendiri di kamar kos itu berat, ga enak. Di kampus sampe malem demi tugas akhir. Mau nangis juga gak tau harus ke siapa.

Kangen rumah banget.

Tapi kalo inget kata temen gue tadi, all is well, Cit.

I wish.

Lord, i surrender all to You.

Dua puluh dua

I love you, i love you, and i love you, as long as I can.

-Cmbds.

Some from OSKM 2012

Word 'ITB' by 2012. I'm on the 'I' formation:)

"Putra-Putri Garuda, tutup mata, telinga, dan tundukkan kepala kalian.."

 Day 2, Sabuga's rooftop, going to meet PMK ITB family.

 20th group.

 Kak Mega, Kak Kiky, and Kak Glad as our mentor;)

See the crowd? This is just one per seven part of 2012.

Lampion on the closing of OSKM 2012. What a beautiful night!

So happy to be part of them:') Watch thisfor more--> Video OSKM 2012
See ya blog! 

Hey;)

Thanks to:

My Almighty, Jesus Christ. Mommy&Daddy. Jojo&Kael. Dearest Joshua. The Barbar. Rohkris 21. Revence tersayang. Inten UNJ, Pak EP, Pak JH, Kak Dian, Bu Sopa, Pak SG, Pak TM, Pak Al, Kak Tasya, Mbak Siti. Buat semua orang yang udah nyemangatin belajar setahun ini. Aku bukan apa-apa tanpa kalian semua. I trully love you so much!

Bla bla

Hey.
Kinda weird to open this blank page again. I just posting some photos in the previous post. This blog seems like a tumblr page day to day.

I don't know what to write and how to describe my feeling with this keyboard.
I've been graduated from my school about 2 or 3 weeks ago. Happy enough, but still, I miss being in school. I failed at SNMPTN Undangan, my dream since 10th grader. All day crying but I must admit, my effort isn't strong enough to get this thing. I know God will be on the time so I try my luck at SNMPTN Tertulis last Tues&Wed. I've done my part and let God do the rest.

It's 3 weeks left until SIMAK and i don't even have a intention to prepare for it. Feeling exhausted to study all over again. Woke up at 7, intensif, and spent my midnight with books.

My world upside down -every little thing in my life.
Hard to describe these. Random thoughts, sensitive feeling, tangled mood. My mind being so difficult to cooperate. I know this is the second intersection. This is the pain of growing up.



Still. Don't know what to do.

20

Selamat 20 bulan! Semoga panjang sabar menghadapi aku. I did, I do, I will always love you. God bless our relationship;)

Sincerely, your Cmbds.

Strengthen my heart, God.

Seperti yang saya gumulkan belakangan ini,

kalo memang Tuhan ga kasih lewat undangan, Tuhan tau kemampuan saya bisa untuk bertarung di tertulis.

Sekarang keputusannya tinggal di saya,

masih sanggup menyemangati diri sendiri lagi atau tidak....

Rachel és Antonius

I've leaving my school for a month and now i just realizing that I miss every moment I've spent in 21. I don't miss the lessons, I just missing the teacher. Some teacher, exactly. 

I realized, some times ago, school was everything to me, bcs when I'm with my friends, I have the best thing in this world. I miss all the laugh, mock, scream, fight, and even the tears we've shared.

Spent 6 days a week, ten hours a day, doing intensif is just awkward.

Saya tau, saya pergi ke bimbel untuk masa depan saya. I don't mind it at all. But, going to a place where ambition blend into one is boring:'( 

Dan sesuai judul postingan ini.............. I'm in a serious need to having my mood-boosters. My half soul.

Misssssssssssssssssssssssss you both sooooooooooooooooo much!!!!
Di inten ga ada kalian jadi ga ada yang menyambangi gue setiap hari:'(

Sembilan Belas

LDR thing

Time has brought your heart to me, i have loved you for a thousand years, 

and i'll love you for a thousand more.

NB: I miss you already.